"Brian.
Back when we were first introduced, before you and Terry paired up, vaguely remember some talk about you considering seminary school.
What happened to all that?"
~(Jim Ed)~
"Oooh...
just something I toyed with, thinking might make me a better person."
~(Brian)~
"WHY?!
What WAS IT, making you think, you NEEDED to be?
How would THAT have made any difference?
At heart,
after ALL is said and done, the sad fact remains,
it's STILL just another JOB.
it's STILL just another JOB.
We can't ALL be...
PRIESTS and/or PASTORS,
either!
Someone has to be out there making all this money,
they are wanting...
you bringing into their church."
either!
Someone has to be out there making all this money,
they are wanting...
you bringing into their church."
~(Jim Ed)~
"(some stammering, then silence)"
~(Brian)~
"(some stammering, then silence)"
~(Brian)~
It was never my intention bearing down like this onto an old friend, one I hadn't seen or touched based with in a long time, the second I heard his voice on the other end of the phone. But it was his answer, so totally not expecting, throwing me off guard; me forgetting to keep myself aware, the possibility he might not be aware I'm even just an atheist as opposed to the kind of atheist I'm now.
This talk of Brian and seminary school happened so soon after having just met Brian, still really didn't know him then; just among them as Troy Weakley's friend.
Some laughing going along with it; maybe some good nature ribbing(?).
Do not recall religion ever coming up in topics between me and Brian. Honestly, don't remember any serious topics discussed between me an Brian at all.
Always considered all the times with him, because there was so little of it, special; always so attentive, non-judgemental, inclusive of me, although never really understood why. Most especially saw no common thread between me and any of his friends, either. Not that I didn't like spending time with his friends; did have fun among them observing all the bantering/laughting going on between them.
As that's never worked out anywhere else before, assuming the distance between me here in Atlanta and him there in Birmingham made the difference; being so little of it, the times spent together.
Although having been extended an open invitation to come visit them, it was him and his partner moving, again, only this time from Birmingham, Alabama to Phoenix, Arizona causing me to feel I was being more looked down on instead of us seen as equals. Having always had an open invitation to come visit me in Atlanta, although never any kinds of friends of my own able introducing them to here in Atlanta, could hardly ever get them to come visit me here.
This talk of Brian and seminary school happened so soon after having just met Brian, still really didn't know him then; just among them as Troy Weakley's friend.
Some laughing going along with it; maybe some good nature ribbing(?).
Do not recall religion ever coming up in topics between me and Brian. Honestly, don't remember any serious topics discussed between me an Brian at all.
Always considered all the times with him, because there was so little of it, special; always so attentive, non-judgemental, inclusive of me, although never really understood why. Most especially saw no common thread between me and any of his friends, either. Not that I didn't like spending time with his friends; did have fun among them observing all the bantering/laughting going on between them.
As that's never worked out anywhere else before, assuming the distance between me here in Atlanta and him there in Birmingham made the difference; being so little of it, the times spent together.
Although having been extended an open invitation to come visit them, it was him and his partner moving, again, only this time from Birmingham, Alabama to Phoenix, Arizona causing me to feel I was being more looked down on instead of us seen as equals. Having always had an open invitation to come visit me in Atlanta, although never any kinds of friends of my own able introducing them to here in Atlanta, could hardly ever get them to come visit me here.
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stam·mer
[stam-er]
verb (used without object)
1.
to speak with involuntary breaks and pauses, or with spasmodic repetitions of syllables or sounds.
verb (used with object)
2.
to say with a stammer (often followed by out
).
noun
3.
a stammering mode of utterance.
4.
1. pause, hesitate, falter. Stammer, stutter mean to speak with some form of difficulty. Stammer the general term, suggests a speech difficulty that results in broken or inarticulate sounds and sometimes in complete stoppage of speech; it may be temporary, caused by sudden excitement, confusion, embarrassment, or other emotion, or it may be so deep-seated as to require special treatment for its correction. Stutter the parallel term preferred in technical usage, designates a broad range of defects that produce spasmodic interruptions of the speech rhythm, repetitions, or prolongations of sounds or syllables: The child's stutter was no mere stammer of embarrassment.
"Brian.
What just happened here.
Exactly what's driving me so crazy here.
Reminded me of a childhood memory growing up with the Methodist Church, my small hometown of Prescott, Arkansas.
Small group of us, all same age, had just sat ourselves down on the carpet in a semi-circle near the pastor as he settled into a chair. Brother Walthal was the first of three pastors those first eighteen years of my life growing up with this church.
Elderly. Always with a big smile. Twinkle in his eyes.
And he started off with a question causing my hand to immediately shoot up in the air, me wanting to answer it.
And he lets me."
a stammered utterance.
Can be confused:
stammer,
stutter (see synonym study at the current entry).
Synonyms
1. pause, hesitate, falter. Stammer, stutter mean to speak with some form of difficulty. Stammer the general term, suggests a speech difficulty that results in broken or inarticulate sounds and sometimes in complete stoppage of speech; it may be temporary, caused by sudden excitement, confusion, embarrassment, or other emotion, or it may be so deep-seated as to require special treatment for its correction. Stutter the parallel term preferred in technical usage, designates a broad range of defects that produce spasmodic interruptions of the speech rhythm, repetitions, or prolongations of sounds or syllables: The child's stutter was no mere stammer of embarrassment.
Example sentences
When you're
stammering
, in particular, your eyes closes.
***
So...
So...
although most likely same Brian as always,
we just never had anything close to a conversation preparing this friend for an extremely intelligent one, made uncomfortable seeing himself challenged, seeing a threat instead, from someone he thought could never. Real question here being, what is Brian going to thinks of a more vocally outspoken/confident/assertive me?
At heart, feel I'm the same person as before.
Well, that stammering followed by silence coming from someone being the closest I'm ever going to be anyone else best friend, reminded me of another stammering I still so vividly remember. Instead of waiting for an answer, decided to continue with me telling him that story.
we just never had anything close to a conversation preparing this friend for an extremely intelligent one, made uncomfortable seeing himself challenged, seeing a threat instead, from someone he thought could never. Real question here being, what is Brian going to thinks of a more vocally outspoken/confident/assertive me?
At heart, feel I'm the same person as before.
Well, that stammering followed by silence coming from someone being the closest I'm ever going to be anyone else best friend, reminded me of another stammering I still so vividly remember. Instead of waiting for an answer, decided to continue with me telling him that story.
"Brian.
What just happened here.
Exactly what's driving me so crazy here.
Reminded me of a childhood memory growing up with the Methodist Church, my small hometown of Prescott, Arkansas.
Small group of us, all same age, had just sat ourselves down on the carpet in a semi-circle near the pastor as he settled into a chair. Brother Walthal was the first of three pastors those first eighteen years of my life growing up with this church.
Elderly. Always with a big smile. Twinkle in his eyes.
And he started off with a question causing my hand to immediately shoot up in the air, me wanting to answer it.
And he lets me."
"Why believe in God(?)"
for
what they did not already know
or
did not understand."
~(Jim Ed)~
"Brian. YOU should have BEEN there to SEE this."
"Boy...
did it knock the smile right off his face!"
"Stammered, also!
Just like you did! Then just stops!"
"Almost as quickly as he opened the door to his office and motioned for us to come in and join him...
Brother Walthal dismissed us."
"The only reason I was there at that church on a weekday evening in the first place was because of my mother earlier that day having told me I had to be at the church that evening."
"Just assumed we had all been sent back to our mothers."
"Never did know what all that was about...
until recently."
"Maybe?"
"Having had a flashback memory of Vanna Macaulay,
standing by herself at the front of the church,
being baptised some point shortly after this incident happened between
me an that very same pastor;
believe I now may have a possible explanation."
"We were the same age so she had to have been there!"
"Why didn't she answer that question?"
"Was so obvious the pastor didn't like my answer."
"Why was she not wanting to put
that
smile back on his face?"
"She always did!"
(Brian laughs: but a short, nervous one)
"Just way too obvious,
the kind of answers these guys were wanting to hear."
"Wasn't the first time we've been
asked
this questions or questions similar."
"But I never liked those answers;
how they never really made any sense.
Always too vague."
"So...
did I interrupt?"
"Instead of a question I thought being asked of us,
maybe
the title of a short sermon about to tell us why?"
"Was Brother Walthal trolling for baptisms?"
"If so...
why didn't they just ask me if I wanted to be baptised?"
"Not like I would have said no."
"But...
most certainly would not have gone up there by myself!"
"Again...
just way too obvious what these guys were looking for."
"Now wondering if Brother Walthal tried again
with
same little sermon we were about to hear that night;
this time without me invited?"
"Anyway...
as Brother Walthal did not tell me my answer was wrong..."
nor...
did he even attempt suggesting an answer
he
thought a better one..."
"have no choice,
other than believing my answer to this question,
being
anything other than correct."
"Maybe...
even better than the one we were about to hear
from
Brother Walthal?"
~(Simply Jim: One Pearl, Total Pig, Anti-Christ)~
At this point,
Brian interrupts me telling me he was at work sitting in a cubicle;
he needed to get off the phone.
We quickly ended our long distance phone call with last thing I remember hearing:
"JIM. We WILL talk."
~(Brain)~
Believing I had finally found someone genuinely willing to listen...
began to breath easier as I waited for him to call back.
He never did.
Believing this would explain the nervous laugh...
as well as the stammering;
saw no reason in bothering Brian with this again.
In the email sent him first, an address wasn't sure even still valid, stating that I needed someone to talk to;
already informed him of my two involuntary admittance to DeKalb Crisis Center
and
three to Georgia Regional Hospital.
Didn't make any sense he returned with a phone call from an inappropriate location.
GOD I HATE CELLPHONES!
Such an easy excuse for people these days.
Not even worth giving people the benefit of the doubt...
anymore.
***
Having just taken up an interest in flag dancing, was cutting up, having some fun showing off my very first set of flags made of an orange mesh material in front of Brian's freshly cut thirteen foot Christmas tree loaded down with collectible glass blown ornaments.
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This second home
of
Brian and Terry's was their second major investment while still living in Birmingham. A fixer upper they were expecting to repeat same success they had turning right around and selling for a nice profit the first home they invested in.
of
Brian and Terry's was their second major investment while still living in Birmingham. A fixer upper they were expecting to repeat same success they had turning right around and selling for a nice profit the first home they invested in.
But this one was much larger.
While still working their regular jobs, these two still managed somehow doing most of the renovations themselves, with both these homes.
The first home Brian and Terry invested in...
had to have four Mexican families evicted from it,
first.
Their second home,
this one with me flag dancing,
was once an orphanage up until the Methodist Church decided to put the house up for sale.
Now,
not only can I not help but wonder what has happened
with
these children once living both these homes
when
the decision was made putting these two houses up for sale...
also...
can't help but find it strange,
can't help but find it strange,
when
looking at this picture
of
me flag dancing in front of a Christmas tree,
this
second home of Brian and Terry's,
once
an orphanage owned by the Methodist Church,
that I see a cross with two flames?
Even the shirt I'm wearing in that picture while flag dancing...
strikes me as bizarre.
Remember that shirt very well.
But,
only now realizing I haven't seen this shirt in a long time; wondering now what has happened to it?
Could this be a variation on the trinity?
One using four square instead of four circles,
with
the center one pulled out and darkened...
representing
an
Anti-Christ?
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