Tell me:
How can I help you help me make this a better world for your child?
Wednesday, January 12th, 2011
Hey Stephanie,
Don't know if my sister has forwarded a link to my new blog:
Would love to know, as well as everyone else, you are following it some if not a lot; for you to pass it on as well, to anyone you know might be interested.
It's all out of my frustration, dealing with my own mother; not a pleasant topic at all.
Mainly what I'm trying to do is find a language for me to be who I am all the time; not depending on where I am and who I'm with; it's not healthy for anyone. Instead, I've come to understand depression, and the minds of criminal, and that the trinity is really like a math tool, language tool; and in my world I've come to a greater appreciation for the arts through it. Especially that language should never be censored, even in church.
When mother told me one night that she went to Bible study, I exclaimed,
"Eighty years old and you still haven't finished that God Damn Book. Maybe you should try something easier like Hilliary Clinton's IT TAKES A VILLAGE that she wrote with the help of a GHOST WRITER.
Really, I've discovered:
You get the GOD you have; not the one you choose.
He, she, it, whatever is NEUTRAL. It doesn't have to be "the end our world" to be the "end of the world"; just "your world" or mine.
What I need is help finding someone interested in hearing what I have to say, like someone did S. Daniels paintings. Only everyone I know in my life don't really want to know who I am(like my mother with her god damn dope on a rope); or only wants brain candy (like your mother too busy playing tennis).
I love your mother/my dear sweet sister to death; but OMG is she stupid; bringing that Paula Dean woman in my home. That woman is shaping Landon's world more than I am. Unless she takes his bullet; done no good at all.
All three of them:
barging into my home uninvited; only after I admitted to the meth addiction; not before; home of a lonely 49 year old faggot having to keep it head low, too old now to get his head blown off now that DADT is ending; a liberal male in an extremely conservative profession of conservative white male, flipping it's gender poles as I come out of the closet; working with extremely uneducated technician, mostly girls as a relief veterinarian who are more important than the vet when inter-personal problems arises, fairness having nothing to do with the outcome.
My mother then saying, "I do believe you are living a decadent lifestyle," having been defeated. Refusing to see, I give her credit for the first half of my life; but I'm now entering what should be my second half, and she doing her best making sure I don't outlive her; even if I do, stressing me out adding to the years already shaved off mine.
She actually killing me being so inflexible with her god damn Jesus; therefore, our story. You can't have an Antichrist until you believe Jesus is the Messiah first.
Hell Betty is killing her youngest son by refusing to let go of Jesus; making me appear to be Antichrist.
And there seem to be nothing I can do or say about it.
I have only one follower, ME. Jesus had his mother, and I'm not certain she's the first. Mother refuses to understand , the answer to getting me off the meth is in that blog. If now reader, then no reason to live. Presented my ways she can help, but she too embarrassed/too much pride to see what an ugly family she has.
Really look at that first picture on my new blog. AT first I was trying to understand Jesus as the man/ not the Messiah. I come to discover the pain had been Mary's all along. That she was raped; just as easily fitting with the story of Jesus life as a man. I'm not saying that's the true story; just that of a man and still just as powerful a story without him having to be the Messiah. Imaging raising a child had you been raped. Think of the Serbian rape camps. Can you count on Reilly to be there for you, like Joseph was for Mary? Like Uncle Robert was for Aunt Louise? Have Donna or Ninny tell you that story. Then report back to me what they say. That will make me feel better a lot. That people are not too busy with trivial stuff, keeping busy just to avoid hearing the truth. Imagine Landon had been born severely handicapped, or even a little one; in a world like that.
You never really know a person until after the crisis; faith nothing but pure crap until then. It has it purpose up to a point, then the poles flip. I've flipped, but mother refuses; that's not the same as being crazy, me anyway.
If I even drift in that direction with Mother, she starts to shut down and grab at anything to not hear it.
The meaning behind Rudolf the Red Nose Raindeer, "They used to laugh and call him names.!"
You weren't like other kids, "your favorite toy was a bucket and minnow net." my mother.
"I think Jim ed has done very well considering he's hearing impair." My mother.
"Jim has done very well for any boy!" Mrs. Duke, one of my teachers.
"You're not as nice as you used to be." My mother not remembering that ever happened; nor does Donna. Really do not believe it was Mrs. Duke that told me.
"You were my favorite. But you were the one who got away." My mother.
Doesn't have to be that way. Been trying since the first day I told her at the age of 23; the day she threatened to kill herself, the day my best friend died, the only best friend I ever had . Now I'm 49, and she still refusing to accept, I can't be a homosexual without my sex life.
We only know for a fact that Mary, either believed Jesus the Messiah and knew from the day he was born, prepared for his death; or came to at least believe him just before he died, so calmly letting him crush her hand, trying to ease his pain just as hers was coming to an end. Whether he crossed over we will never know until we die. I choose to believe we cease to exists, having completed the circle. We have Heaven and Hell coexisting together on earth at the same time. Half the world dark: half the world light; half the world sleeps at night as half wakes up to forage during the night.
There is no such thing as morals, or right and wrong; just he illusion that we are in control of our destination, a place better, than the one we now live. Is that even possible? Why should I care?
Landon's not my child.
There is no such thing as morals, or right and wrong; just he illusion that we are in control of our destination, a place better, than the one we now live. Is that even possible? Why should I care?
Landon's not my child.
Ask me through my blog; comment to any entry; ask any question you don't understand; tell me what you like about it even if not all of it; just talk to me through my blog.
Tell me:
How can I help you help me make the world a better place for your child?
Hey Uncle Jim, it is Stephanie, I wanted to thank you forLandons christmas gifts. The books were really nice. I am saving them for when he is a little older and will not just tear the pages out. They are too good to let him destroy them. I also wanted to tell you Happy Early Birthday. I hope you have a nice day. I am not sure when mom is trying to come down there again but if it is ok and I can get off work, Landon and I would love to come also. I hope the weather has been nice, It snowed her on Sunday and was really pretty. Landon loved the snow and had a great time. I hope to see or talk to you soon. T.hank you again
Love,
Steph
Hey Uncle Jim. This is Stephanie. Ninny wanted me to email you because she is worried about you. Please call your mom as soon as you can.
Love,
Stephanie
From: Neice To: jimedavery@att.net
Sent: Wed, December 8, 2010 9:13:05 PM
Subject: Please call Ninny
From: Niece To: jimedavery@att.net
Sent: Tue, January 11, 2011 8:17:05 PM
Subject: thank you.
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