MINUS FLESH = WATER AND SPIRITS: SENTIENT PUDDLE OF ALL SENTIENT PUDDLE

 John 3:1-13: 

“There was a man of the Pharisees named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews. This man came to Jesus by night and said to Him, "Rabbi, we know that You are a teacher come from God; for no one can do these signs that You do unless God is with him." Jesus answered and said to him, "Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God." Nicodemus said to Him, "How can a man be born when he is old? Can he enter a second time into his mother's womb and be born?" Jesus answered, "Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. "That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. "Do not marvel that I said to you, 'You must be born again.' "The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear the sound of it, but cannot tell where it comes from and where it goes. So is everyone who is born of the Spirit." Nicodemus answered and said to Him, "How can these things be?" Jesus answered and said to him, "Are you the teacher of Israel, and do not know these things? "Most assuredly, I say to you, We speak what We know and testify what We have seen, and you do not receive Our witness. "If I have told you earthly things and you do not believe, how will you believe if I tell you heavenly things? "No one has ascended to heaven but He who came down from heaven, that is, the Son of Man who is in heaven.

Dear Sister Beth,

Even with your MDiv and DMin degrees, you're already beginning to sound somewhat like my sister; only special education.   And this was probably as high as she could go before giving up and staying home as  full time housewife.  The good news first , being,  there is very slight chance I may be wrong although seriously doubting it; the bad new, being,  I'm willing to bet you suck at math and anything else related as well.

Please don't make this...too...personal; although....definitely... somewhat personal with good reasons.   I am able working as I do so, on a sliding scale; and very very good at it.

DO NOT UNDER APPRECIATE  THE RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN ME AND THE MANY MANY MANY FEMALES OVER COURSE OF LIFETIME YET NOT OVER!  

I've learned to lie with woman same as women have learned to lie with man.  Taking a cue from Dolly Parton,  "I'm the type of woman, who, if thought it needed to be done would do it."  And she was answering to a question about her breast...size!

"LET'S EAT GRANDMA!"  or  "LET'S EAT, GRANDMA!"

And the closest a woman has ever come to having sex with me was a woman from our First Methodist Church of Prescott, Arkansas, as well as the friend to my mother;  whom breasts both beginning to sag.  So what should be so wrong about sagging, that is, by these young black men of African American descent;  if they be thinking, something, needing to be done? Sagging is sagging; such emotive words.

If god still alive and still speaking to us...?  What could whenever wherever however it be trying to tell you...?  But do not get me wrong.  Do not go dragging me into this question;  for I consider myself not, one, of you...?  And all I saying here is....I'm still radical atheist...yet somehow can't help but feel I'm supposed to be here.  That I've come to the right place asking for some help understanding this.  And I can't, help but feel, someone somewhere somehow already knowing what I'm knowing now.

Maybe even you...?

WITHOUT ALL THE FACTS WE WILL NEVER KNOW;
FOR THIS,
 I KNOW TO BE TRUE?

So please!   

Do not take advantage of this crystal meths addiction ...OF MINE; telling me go get help from someone somehow somewhere else.  I'm over this advice... BIG TIME...unless we willing going together; and not just dropping me off somewhere else with someone else without somehow having my permission first.  For this would be practicing medicine somewhere, on a patient somehow, without their consent anytime.

So give me some credit being not only a veterinarian, but one also having wrongly, maybe not if God a reason, chosen a career taken completely over by women; women coming to work with their dick issues never mine to begin with.  Then again there is the issue of women this day and age still owning less than one percent of our world's property.

So there is still some justifications...rightly so.

OH MY GOD HOW PISSED SHE GOT ABOUT A HALLOWEEN PRANK PLAYED ON HER!

 Have you any idea what it's like having shaving cream squirted up you ASS!?
Neither do I actually.

By a woman the size of a praying mantis!?
That answer had to wait a GOOD BIT while longer, also.

Well...that what it seemed like every time Evelyn and her husband Spot Daniel

(El Spotro the Outsider Artist)

showing up together like religion for BINGO NIGHT at Methodist Country Club of Prescott Arkansas.



No wonder he was always loud and cutting jokes at the country club although I never understood them; but the others sitting at the bar with him did.  Nor were these laughs BINGO NIGHT either.  These jokes have been going on all along,  long before knowing some of these Methodist wives and the mothers of others... better...as we all went along the way together.  Maybe even some ways better than their own husbands or sons. 

But it's still hard telling who marries whom for what reasons.    And this had to wait even longer before me figuring out all by my lonesome, never having married, much longer!

NO SUCH THING AS INEXPLICABLE!

Apparently it is true;  we've got to make up the difference somewhere, somehow, eventually. Now I understand the difference between those who fear god: and :the difference between those who fear nothing else.  And this is not a mistake; there is a difference between the two.  This...is where the the illusion of  believing, even if  truly not, of us having human free will.

"OH! JUST LISTEN TO YOU!"

This came from  a young female named Jane alone with one fair bit older named Kim; both Jehovah Witnesses who had rung my doorbell.  All I just did was chastise them for not voting; this only be delegating their votes to the winning team...THE SINNERS!   But just before this explosive outburst from Jane turning around with Kim falling in behind as they headed back down the steps leading up to my front door bell;  they thought it funny with Jane having just taken a picture of me with her cellphone;  wearing my interpretation of Easter Bunny Ears having knife through the head.

RUDOLF THE RED NOSE REINDEER

The same as with the animals; if you are going the other way,  you...HAVE... made a choice.  This... be a lesson I've learned to be true because of not one... BUT TWO...eight point stars from  rear entrance to my home. They told me so themselves;  for they...did not run away.  They were patient with me, for a good short while, as I'm taking pictures.  They knew I was there.   For they saw me this I know to be true.  But still, it didn't take too long before one begins getting nervous enough straying the other way;  but not in a hurry.  The other one, eventually, but also not in hurry; drifting... in the same directions?

And this is...NOT...a good sign.  This is evolution; maybe, even legit devolution.  It appears now,  I've the proofs, we now have two even three species of deer yet still one the same.  Those we have no choice but to share our country with them; and those who have decided no choice but to share Metro-Atlanta with us.

POPULATION CONTROL:
LEGALIZED HUNTING SEASON WITHIN PERIMETER
of
METRO-ATLANTA?

And this I COMPLETELY understood.  Although... I WAS... on their side completely but only up to a point;  I ...COMPLETELY...understood why the second one chose staying...CLOSER...with one of his own kind instead of befriending me.

YET...
we keep invading their territories more and more; and them, having less and less as we all go along minding our own ways.

AND...
I couldn't help but notice how one kept reacting, looking up at me, to the len's cap tapping on the wood of my deck; having crawled up to it edge low on all four.  
There were cars going by my home I could hear
: and :
an airplane overhead I heard;
 in addition to the constant clicking of my camera with each shot.

As I'm hearing impaired, can only assume...THEY... heard more?  Yet it was only the len's cap hitting the wood of my deck it seemed having made one of these two nervous; me having crawled up to it's edge on all four.

Is it possible one brought a friend he was visiting, outside the perimeter, back inside with him?

Where would Faline be, then?

"I HAD TO TELL HER! JUST HAD TO!   ALL SHE WOULD DO WAS JUST SIT THERE! GOING ON AND ON AND ON!  COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! JUST HAD TO!  DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ELSE I COULD DO!"

This came from my mother; but not until after...FIRST...having just been chewed out by our friend Evelyn.  I was just getting home as Evelyn was just leaving having...JUST...found out I was the one who did it; spayed shaving cream all over hers and Spot Daniel's home.  And I had let my mother in on it; my plans for that HALLOWEEN EVE.  Without needing to say anything else, my mother  knew I was only doing it because I thought them my friends.

As an adult looking back,
wished I'd remember more of what Evelyn said to me.

Just stood there,
grinning from ear to ear as she towered over me; hell of a lot bigger than me than Spot Daniel back then!

"YOU'RE LUCKY I DIDN'T SQUIRT SHAVING CREAM UP YOU ASS."

All I'm able remembering, the last thing she said.  But she said this more to herself after she started walking back to her car.   Can't help but wonder if even I was supposed to have heard this?  She knew I was hearing impaired; as, she was one of those who caught on to my needs as a hearing impaired quickly as compared to those who never do.  Or did she?  It's possible, just could have been a coincidence.

The more I'm thinking about it;  you don't get to say much when Evelyn's around. Mother even once confided in me that Evelyn intimidates.  Making my mother feel inadequate.  But this in not Evelyn's intent this I know to be true.  Just an aggressively determined well focused woman with her ribbons for flower arrangements; and an extremely crafty knack for way too far, cutesy/country art for me!

But on one visit, did hand my mother some of the Southern Decadence Beads collected in New Orleans; thinking Evelyn may find some use for them in her crafts.  These were the ones left over from having turned the better ones of mine into a beautiful garland for the Christmas tree.

My guess would be my mother not having the leisure time nor the money while not growing up the same way  Evelyn did?

T. HAYDUKOVICH

Wish you could have met my first boyfriend of the three in a row.  But these three didn't happen until after many, many, many meaningful overnight relationships coming before them; Tom being the first one returning a mutual interest.  But it began with a big tough mean looking Serbian, size fourteen shoes without that penis to match, mat of chest hair soft like that of a kitten; having met me one night at the HERETIC, but not until before cruising me first at the gym earlier same day.

Although this was a Wednesday night, attention the drug of choice same as always,  place crowded, dance floor packed, music loud; still had to turn around before finding him... first... again?  Just standing there? And Just trying making conversation with him, asked him, why his last name was Haydukovich.

"THAT"S A LIE!"

Sarajevo making the headline taking a pounding by shelling during the nights, people both old men and women and even the children as they getting picked off one by one in the daylights by the bullets from guns too good held by men too good known as "the  snipers"  up in hillsides surrounding the city.  Women elsewhere herded into rape camps as if they were nothing more than cattle.

"Yugoslavian," he answered.

"OH REALLY!  WHICH  (X3OOO)NE U BE?"

The amazement in my reaction to his answer must have startled him. Immediately had him looking down at size fourteen shoes; shifting weight from one to the other.

Big bad boy got caught trying.

WITH EACH DAY I LOVE YOU MORE?

Then me going around joking of us needing to share my three roommate's cat lax with them; between the rough periods of the bitching and the fighting and the breaking up of maybe over 30 times spreading out over the three years we tried.  Well, at least my tryings.  The ultimatum always being from him and him the one always coming back and wanting to try again; without winning any concessions.  As I was by far the non- traditional one, took it upon myself assuming the responsibility of being the patient one;  letting him vent using whatever language he felt needing.

I HOPE YOU FUCK EACH OTHER AND GIVE EACH OTHER AIDS!

And this was someone, a real policeman, I met in Chicago during one of his break-ups with me; now flying here from London for a long weekend staying with me.

 All it took calming Tom down was convincing him letting me arranging an introduction between these two. Getting him trusting me that they would like each other.And we all each ended up fucking the other two before you knew it.  Of course this introduction had to be up front as much as possible in order for this to work; rather than somewhere toward the ends of all the scheduled HOTLANTA WEEKEND events.

Certainly do not want anyone stalking during a major party event.

OH YOU'RE THE FREAK!

This was right after we got back together after our first break-up.

Was always from the very start of dating, either, making comments to his friends that sort of worked their way back to me and outright to my face not realizing I knew of even more details of them than he shared with me; always leaving me feeling as if there was some kind of deficit he thought needing corrected from my end of this deal?

CAN ONLY BE NINETY PERCENT MONOGAMOUS

But this confession from Tom came toward the end of our three years of dating.

There were good reasons for volunteering to him on our second date, that I could never be in monogamous relationships, physically. Then adding with emphasis that I could be, emotionally.  Never brought it up again either; that additional clause supposedly the important one him needing to hear.

 No man can commit to being monogamous, even if supposedly straight and married. This I know to be true because of Atlanta's Hartfield Airport being a major hub for business men of all kinds;  our traveling salesman's.

Being superficially ugly in any way does count.  And this include physical handicaps such as mine. There really is no difference; although the difference is inverted. One has no problems finding sex when purposely choosing not being too particular.  But the hearing impairment makes a difference with relationships longer term.  

But I will never forget that sex we had after our first big fight, breaking up, then getting back together.  Although extremely brief; INTENSE! How the clothes came flying off.

"I missed you."

All it took was me being the first one saying this.

Walking up to this big tough mean looking Serb in his size fourteen shoe,  putting my arms around him, hugging him like I meant it;  meaning it.   And I did so as I told him.  

I don't know why he thought it so wrong ever since, how, him sobbing in my arms got me SO hard.

I'm not a physically violent person.  And he's the one who likes reading book with prison rape!

I do like the series OZ.  But it was the actors playing the parts I was after.  Not the characters!

ONCE UPON A TIME EVEN THE LITTLE ONES USED TO HURT

No size queen by any means ever;  although, by the time I met him, it would have been fair calling it "devolution." But I never did.  It was way too easy knowing this was a sensitive topic for him.  I never once was angry enough with him to even share this as a joke with him.  He never would have understood; that his penis would have been just fine once over the initial disappointments.

But these were not my disappointments that scarred him.

Although I do admit to being disappointed that first night we had sex; good thing I wasn't looking for any kind of intercourse that night.  And being it style, wasted no time volunteering up front before we even left the club;  that I was only up for mutual oral sex that night.   If still interested, we could leave the Heretic for my place right then and there.  Wasn't far.  And we did.

They can only keep getting bigger for so long; this I knew to be true. But do not remember why I wasn't in the mood for any kind of intercourse that night.  Seems kinda strange wondering about this so many years later.

Anyway, hope I've haven't  made him feel in any way inadequate, that department.

But everywhere else in this three year attempted relationship with Tom, feel it within my rights the other way around; should I choose to be.

BIGGEST WOMAN I'VE EVER MET!

 But it was the diamond ring ending three years of dating. Where he got it in his head having the rights deciding unilaterally without me, that it automatically should be me the one buying him the diamond ring instead of the other way around; throwing me for a loop.  Told him to go find someone else, Mrs. Himself  thought deserving of a bigger diamond than the one already thinking deserving from me.   That I would, only then,  triangulate my final decision. We go from there.

IF RING DON"T FIT; YOU MUST ACQUIT?

Obviously, this will be too late. Maybe even, why he even moved to New York shortly thereafter.

 But it would be interesting knowing how big...WA$...that diamond ring expecting from me.  Just can't imagine any man stupid enough agreeing to something like this.  From a perspective of money in a relationship starting off on this foot, when would coming with a price tag end.

NOW THOSE!  IF A MAN BOUGHT ME!  NOT ONLY WOULD I HAVE SEX WITH HIM!  I WOULD ENJOY IT!

 But then again, why not?  Isn't this what the straight ones already be doing?

Most of them, anyway.

NO MUSIC!

Certainly seeming somewhat a lot like the marriage between man and woman I've come from.  Absolutely no music in this house growing up between them.  But this was it; and that is all.  Believe I'm understanding the resistance of my mother and sister now to hearing anything and learning from me; even my two nieces, now married having children of their own.

They actually rather would, that I disappear off the face of the earth; however it takes accomplishing this. And they be doing a good job of it; although, no worse than all the rest.

All they need to do; just keep it up!

Denial is... still...a death sentence.

It called ..."diffusion of responsibility".

"JUST LIKE A MAN!"

Had my mother had that pantry halfway decently organized, I might have been able finding it for her like she asked!

She even had the nerves suggesting I take home economic while in high school; thinking it would make me a better husband for someone, someday?

Thank God I refused.  Didn't want to be a better husband.  As dad was fat, she was the one not putting out!

What did she do all day while we were in school; and dad still working hard  twenty-four hours a day and seven days a week as we sleeping;  delivering babies mostly?

I wasn't even old enough to be a man yet.  Why even bother trying.

Obvious to me now;  although dad did all the fucking, he was the one getting

 FUCKED!  FUCKED!  FUCKED!

the most;  trapped unhappily between his wife and their three children!

All five of us...

worked him into an early grave.  But then again, he let us.

He was definitely wanting off this planet as quickly as he could; without a guilty conscience.

We had guns in that house. And intuition is telling me more and more so;  there was a reason for a good gun in a good place;  me!  That gun I found in my sleeping bag, for some reason in my father's closet my parents bedroom, was good enough finishing me off.  I just refuse believing my dad to be that stupid putting the protector of our household's gun in my sleeping bag!

 And this is what everyone else would be assuming; just  sad accident.  

Sad yes!

 But nothing is an accident with a gun.

They are suppose to kill.

PERIOD!

What's really stupid;

I'm not "ABEL"  even owning a "CRICKET."

Although only assuming I'm on the "DO NOT SELL GUN TO LIST",  it doesn't matter.  Not only have I never owned a gun; nor do I care to.

IF YOU ARE GOING TO KILL YOURSELF?  THAT'S THE WAY TO DO IT.  JUST PUT THE GUN IN YOUR MOUTH.

This is something I overheard my dad telling my mother; having just returned from the hospital.  He was only called in to pronounce a man dead who had killed himself.  And obviously even too much for Charles Densen Avery, MD;  still bothered by the site of this man's remains.

I was just a child standing nearby as he confessed all this to to wife also my mother. She just sat there stone cold silent through all of it;  as if her brain soaking some of this bloody mess away from my father's.

But it wouldn't be hard taking a "CRICKET"  from a five year old; even talking one into pulling the trigger after me first placing his barrel in my mouth. Although it can be easily done, I have never played with a child; at least none of yours until they be old enough walking into a gay bar and buying their own drinks first.  

I do not care for children.

They do not have their shit together yet; not do most of their parents.

There is no such thing as a responsible breeder!

There is also,

 no such thing as PRO-LIFE without also being PRO-DEATH somewhere else!

.

When adding up all of anything said then comparing to all of everything done by anyone Pro-Life ...

one realizes 

PRO-LIFE

at heart nothing but 

"thought terminating cliche"

Their life and nothing more. 

Then you dump them back into the fish pond.

Of course the smaller fish are going to be the pro-choice one if they had brains that works more like those of the adult humans.

But they don't.  Brains set to auto-pilot do not count. No fish that's pro-choice would swims straight into a bigger fish's mouth.  Unless made a wrong turn trying to escape a different one.   

But there would be no smaller fish in this fish pond, unless this is what you like watching.  So you be constantly purchasing them; just to fed these little bitty fishes to these much much bigger ones of yours.  If they be too close in size to each other; you might not get your money's worth out of these little bitty ones.  Now you are having to purchases even more fish food pellets as there is no way to just feed just the ones you like.

The other choice, is taking these much much bigger ones into these little bitty fishes natural environment where you can sit and watch your much bigger fishes go after these much smaller fishes for free. But then you've lost that fish for good.  It will not be coming back to someone just because himself  "thought"  a  "great host";  watching how excited and how quickly they done... going after the little bitty ones.

Although they may be somewhat right in thinking that fish ,should have, come back when done catching it's fill;
that wasn't it's natural habitat either!

Too late now for better or worse; nothing changes?

But, AT LEAST, it was, A FISH. 

Until becoming a Pro-Life issue again.

Like "taking candy from a baby"  and  "indoctrination"  all rolled  into one.

"DID YOU KNOW STEVE IS A POLICEMAN IN PRESCOTT, NOW?"

The more efficiently a gun kills within given amount of time; that gun be the better of two guns.  Why would anyone want to buy a gun, even wanting a job with a gun, unless wanting eventually somewhere somehow using that gun?

"YOU'RE SHITTING ME!  HOW DOES PRESCOTT FEEL ABOUT THIS?"

Maybe,
only jobs they were able finding;  qualifying for.  

Pro-Life is Pro-Choice;
 but death never a choice until too late.

Wars, actually may be useful at times?

 As an outlet for the venting off  of the pent up energy by frustrated, restless youths no other choices;
can be... both
"misdirected aggression" and/or "efficient use of resources."

IF GOD IS FOR US ,

THEN
WHO CAN BE AGAINST US?

WHY  GOD CAN: {6!9} :GOD BE YOU!

 

"Most assuredly, I say to you, We speak what We know and testify what We have seen, and you do not receive Our witness. "If I have told you earthly things and you do not believe, how will you believe if I tell you heavenly things? "No one has ascended to heaven but He who came down from heaven, that is, the Son of Man who is in heaven."

I'm convinced, flesh is nothing more than man's penis inside a woman.  

Has anyone ever heard of an immaculate ejaculation from an ovary.  They didn't know what an oocyst descending from an ovarian follicle was back then.  Spirit is most likely nothing more than women's contribution to mankind.

Even if  by accident, Jesus still gets it right by default.

If men back then were in general more left brain than women; as a mechanism of surviving in a man's world women were likely even more to be right sided.  This is imagination of which denial is a subset.

Even if Jesus didn't realize he wasn't the son of god but the figment of Mary's imagination...surviving;  whether by God or by bunch of Roman soldiers, it's still rape. 

I'm still wanting believing, Joseph is the one in heaven now, and Jesus is Son of  Man in heaven =  Joseph came out of no where; giving him and his mother safe haven best he could of his own free will.

 At least as long as he could where no one else would.